Many blogs have made it this far recently. I begin to write and then, upon proof-reading, I decide it is better unposted. I am hoping this one makes the cut.
Father Scott had us meditate on doorways a few months ago. I did think about the metaphor of the door when he asked us to, but it is an image that has made quite the dramatic comeback in my life in recent weeks. I am beginning to see the significance of the doors I encounter day to day.
Some of these doors are huge. I remember the first thought that came to mind during Father Scott’s exercise; I thought about the doorway of Fatherhood. I felt like I was in the middle of the threshold trying to work up the guts to take one more step. A few months later…I’m still there. I have advanced a few inches I’m sure, but I am still in the middle of that transition. I probably will be for years to come.
Some of these doors are smaller. So small, in fact, that they can easily be missed. Without realizing what just happened I often walk through doors of selfishness while doors leading to love, life, hope, etc. are hidden in my blind spot. For example, I often have kids creating drama during Kids Club. My immediate response, all too often, is “Strike 1”, “Strike 2”, “I’m taking you home”. Sometimes that is the only response that works, but I wonder how often that approach is the selfish route. I wonder how many times, with a little looking, I would have found a small doorway leading to a good conversation with a hurting kid. A conversation that might lead to a deeper understanding of the struggle that these incredible kids push through everyday.
I am trying to learn the discipline of taking the time to search for the doors before me. My prayer is that by taking a deep breath and becoming more aware of my surroundings I will be more able and willing to walk through the doorway that leads to
something beautiful. This discipline includes the understanding that this doorway will not be my last. Not only that, this one probably won’t prepare me for the next. This discipline includes me being willing to shed my desire to map out the next 20 years of my life. It forces me to live life slower, to practice true presence and to be ok with taking life one doorway at a time.
I am thankful for Father Scott’s imagery that he shares with us on Tuesday mornings. These are often things that stay with me for months and foster significant spiritual awakening. I hope that the imagery of the door gives you something to think about. May we all slow down and focus only on the doors before us today.